Thursday, May 30, 2013

Is that how this works?

So I am veering off the path that I had intended on taking on the blog today and want to share with you all some personal stuff about me.

I have recently been in a situation where I had to end a friendship. This decision was made with caution and lots of prayer. I want to share my experience with you all in hopes that maybe if you are struggling with something similar it will shed some light on your situation.

Over a few years I have had an on again off again friendship with this person. In past times when there were arguments I will be the first to admit that I wasn't the most gracious person. I have said things that I shouldn't have and throughout the periods of not talking I would feel badly about that. Then after a while it would blow over and we would talk and get along. Hence the friendship would be rekindled so to speak.

Just as I feel marriage disagreements go I also think the same of friendship. My husband and I have a fantastic relationship. We have had our times of trouble and have been through a lot together but our marriage is successful because of a few reasons. God being first and foremost a priority in our life, we take our troubles to him and trust him to guide us. But one thing that I think attributes so much to us getting along so well is this. When we have a disagreement, NOTHING and I mean NOTHING from a past disagreements is brought up.

The past is in the past.

We have moved one, even if it wasn't completely settled it is in the past and we have enough respect and love for the other that we don't want to continue a disagreement with dirty laundry.

This should be the same with friendships. There will come a time in all types of relationships, marriage, friendships, relationships with your parents, etc that will not go how you want them to. Not everyone is going to agree on everything and some people might handle certain situations differently than you would. When this arises bite your tongue and think before you speak. During this last incident I will say that while I did express my reasoning to break the friendship off I did it in a more classy way. There was no name calling, no placing blame only me saying that I think it is best for my personal christian walk to break the friendship off.

Is it wrong to end a friendship if it isn't helping you grow spiritually? Or what if it actually pushes you to the edge of breaking where you are ready to throw your hands up in the air and just say some not nice things. That is not the christian attitude that I strive to have. I do not want to be over taken with anger, especially when it is ignited by a fellow christian.

Now this might be confusing to some of you all. How does a friendship affect your christian walk? Shouldn't it be the opposite? Trust me I struggled with this at first as well. But I prayed about it and talked with fellow Christians about my struggles and I honestly felt God guiding my decision.

God calls us as Christians to love everyone but it does not say we have to be everyones friend. There is a difference between being a friend and being an acquaintance. This world is full of millions upon millions of people. We can't be friends with all those people, there is not enough time in the day but can we be friendly and smile or even speak to those in passing? Yes we can. God wants me to walk with him and be his hands and feet.

I tried at one point to say I was sorry and offer a hug but when I went home I was still unsettled with the situation. I still felt used and taken advantaged of. Then when trying to clear the air my integrity, my Christian walk, everything about me was questioned. I was told I was "greedy" and all I wanted was their "money". It was awful to hear such words from someone who was supposedly a friend. The money was not the issue but how when it didn't go "their way" you would say such awful things to a friend. I could care less about the money and it seems like the one who continues to bring up "You just want my money" is the one with the real money issues.

The words "You were prideful and boastful on your giving but I felt you showed me less than that..." Throwing words from my blog up in my face. Words that I used to give God all the glory and credit. Do friends really do this?

I do not think she reads my blog anymore and if she does then I'm not sure why she would still read my blog.

This went one for quite sometime and it was exhausting. Well after I ended the friendship I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. I no longer had to worry about every little facebook post being questioned or every little thing I said being misconstrued to something totally off the wall. It was in the past and I started to heal and move on.

With healing comes comfort. I am was comfortable enough to speak and be friendly in passing. Well last night the hubs and I spoke and just shared a quick, "Hi, How are you?". Well the texts began again and every piece dirty laundry we had from 6years ago to now was brought up. I was called fake about 5 times and basically told me to not be a hypocrit in church. "You dislike me, Don't pretend you feel otherwise just so ppl will think you are nice". REALLY??? I have read back through this multiple times and I never said I dislike you. The word dislike never came out of my mouth...well fingers. I have even said "I do not harbor any harsh feelings to you at all I just don't think a friendship is a good idea". Is that telling someone that I wouldn't pee on the if they were on fire?? Yep that was said too and not by me.

Oh I digress.

This blog is kinda like my diary that I share with many of you all. I post some of my most intimate pictures, my daily struggles, my victories and my failures. Sometimes I need to vent and sometimes I just want others to know that someone out there is feeling exactly how you are.

As a Christian I have learned that my walk with God is most important and when I stray from that I suffer. Maybe not physically but mentally. If I was an alcoholic then I would try to stay away from alcohol 100% as to not fall back into the sin. If I was addicted to credit card shopping then I would get rid of my credit cards. Anything that can hinder your walk with Christ does not deserve a place in your life. Sadly enough sometimes it is a person that you must cut ties with to further your Christian walk. What matters most is that you handle yourself in an appropriate Christ-Like manner.

"State your case but don't let your emotions control your tongue."

Well I am done with my small rant and I hope that this will help atleast one of your move on and realize that as a Christian we are to love everyone but should be able to choose our friends without judgement.

Happy Thursday and I will get the ARMS PYRAMID up tomorrow!


  1. Good for you! I have had a similar experience, and know exactly how you feel!

  2. I have also been there, and I think that walking away sometimes is for the best. Not everyone grows up to be an adult. It is sad, but true.

  3. That had to be a hard thing to do, but if that was the right decision for you and your family then good for you. It just sucks to have to go thru something like that

  4. Amazing post...I do think that we should distance ourselves from people that are dragging us down spiritually, just as you posted. I think if you diligently prayed about this situation with your friend, then I think it was the right thing to do in the end. It is VERY hard to try and strive to Christian maturity when you have people in the way bringing OUT the very WORST IN YOU! :) Hang in there, but the thing you have to remember is you STILL need to LOVE this person that you are writing about...oh yea, and forgive them so Christ can forgive your sins. So great to read your posts about your faith/fitness journey ! I love it...... My blog is ...... Just in case you would like to know more about my struggles with faith, weight loss, and fitness goals. Take Care!

  5. I too had to end a friendship for other reasons than what you talked about but our friendship, since 7th grade--I am 29 now--ended about 2 years ago because she influenced me in ways I never thought I would be tempted with. I always thought I would be the one to influence her for the better and I wa blinded by just how much our friendship brought me down. If basically came down to my husband telling me it was him or my friendship. I am sorry, but NO friendship is worth my MARRIAGE!! It still hurts like heck to not have her there to share my first pregnancy experiences and motherhood and I still think about her daily and wish her well!

  6. I understand completely and sometimes it is for the best to let people go. I know how hard it is, but I think you did the right thing. :)

  7. I have been going through this myself recently!!! I was called un-Christian and SELFISH by my own family members because I told my cousin to find a ride to my house and my husband would drive him the rest of the way. Can you flipping believe it. Selfish and un-Christian. The Un-Christian part makes me most mad becuase of WHO is calling me that and how CHRISTIAN they act!! LOL But anyways dont think its just you this week, the old awful devil is rampant. We dont wrestle with flesh and blood but with principalities and powers of darkness. Dont worry girl, if you prayed about it, and felt led, you did the right thing and you will feel better drama free!!!